The single life is a good life. However, it is not always an easy life. On good days, I feel at peace in the knowledge that only in God's love can I be made whole, only in God's love will I be satisfied. When hard days come, I sense a terrible conflict inside me where I am bombarded by the feeling that something is missing, that I am somehow inadequate.
I find myself having to engage this conflict on two fronts. Not surprisingly, the first front I battle against is our broken culture where purity and modesty have gone out of business, while pornography and the sex-trade remain billion dollar industries. Moreover, our culture so firmly believes in the myth of "safe-sex" that one blinds himself or herself to the wreckage caused by men who play at love to get "sex," and women who play at sex to get "love."
Now to my continued astonishment, the second front I struggle against is the pity of well-intentioned Christ followers at church and elsewhere. Rarely, if ever, does someone at church say to me, "Chris, I am really proud of you for not fathering 7 children with 7 different women," or, "Chris, I'm really impressed by your commitment to stay pure in a sex-crazed culture." I think I can count on one hand the number of times I received such encouragement from fellow Christians.
More often I hear, "Chris, I know the perfect girl for you. Here's her number. You should give her a call," and "Chris, why are you still single?" or even worse, "Chris, you know you're not getting any younger." And if I don't hear it, then I see it in their expressions. Despite my best efforts to show that I enjoy the life I have, they look at me as if to say, "Poor Chris, he must be so lonely," or "Poor Chris, I can't believe he hasn't found anyone."
I realize that people just want to be helpful. While I appreciate such concern for my well-being, I must say that it does more harm than good. For pity is not a enemy of lust and loneliness, but an ally. Pity fights not for the advancement of righteousness, but defends the cause of selfishness. Pity prefers not the route of delayed victory, but the path of quick surrender.
I do not expect to receive any kind of medal for doing the right thing. All I expect is that when I sense something is missing, you will remind me that Christ's love is sufficient. I do not want a parade for resisting the temptations of sin. All I want is that when I feel like I am inadequate, you will tell me that I am enough. I do not ask for special consideration for simply doing what Christ asks of me. All I ask is that when deciding how best to help me, you will consider choosing encouragement over pity.
CJE