The Path To Peace

76 And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,77 to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins,78 because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven79 to shine on those living in darkness  and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” - Luke 1:76-79

Peace. What does it look like? How do we get there? Ironically, these questions frequently cause conflict more than they effect goodwill between man and his neighbor. Though most are amenable to peace, there are still a great many others who perceive peace as a threat. Some depend on violence to sustain their political power and sovereignty. Others rely on violence to increase their stock price and secure their Christmas bonus. 

As we get closer to Christmas Day the question remains, is it possible to make peace less threatening and more appealing? Is there a chart capable of steering our minds out from the raging squalls of hatred and onto the calm seas of brotherhood? Is there a map with the ability to keep our hearts from taking the route of violence over the path of peace? Well if we use the Christmas story as our guide, then I believe the answer is yes to all of the above.

In Luke 1, Zechariah is moved by the Holy Spirit to sing about the special mission God would delegate to his newborn son, John the Baptist. In the course of his song, Zechariah declares that one does not measure the path of peace by using degrees of overwhelming force and grades of unrestrained greed. Rather, he professes his belief that his son would discover the path of peace by relying on longitudes of forgiveness and latitudes of mercy. 

In a world where grudges and rancor often obstruct any progress towards lasting peace, forgiveness stands as that divine power capable of clearing a path through any suffering, through any heartache. Forgiveness clears the way for peace because forgiveness liberates. It releases us from resentment we bind to ourselves in the aftermath of betrayal, while freeing us from past mistakes we cling to when we fail. Forgiveness makes an opening for peace because forgiveness terminates. It puts an end to blaming ourselves, while putting a stop to accusing others.

In a world where injustice and intolerance repeatedly block any effort at enduring peace, mercy signifies that cosmic force powerful enough to toss aside any callousness, strong enough to scatter any brutality.  Mercy creates pathways for peace because mercy relents. It relents from any scheme of retaliation, while surrendering any effort at annihilation. Mercy forms pathways for peace because mercy prevents. It prevents us from receiving the verdicts of judgement, while keeping us from the demands of entitlement. 

I know the hope of Christmas can seem diminished by the darkness spreading in South Sudan or by the children of Aleppo living in the shadow of death. And yet it is in the desperate places where Zechariah's song should be song the loudest. It is in the desolate spaces where the glow of forgiveness and mercy needs to shine the brightest.  For only by the light of forgiveness and mercy can we hope to stumble upon the path to peace.   

 "...Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests..."

CJE

Seeds and Trees

“...But we will never have peace in the world until men everywhere recognize that ends are not cut off from means, because the means represent the ideal in the making, and the end in process, and ultimately you can’t reach good ends through evil means, because the means represent the seed and the end represents the tree...”

— MLK, Jr., Christmas Sermon on Peace. 12.24.1967

12 years, 11 months, and 4 days before I was born a congregation assembled at the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia to hear their preacher deliver his morning sermon. Upon reaching the pulpit, the preacher greeted his congregation saying, "Peace on Earth...This Christmas season finds us a rather bewildered human race. We have neither peace within nor peace without. Everywhere paralyzing fears harrow people by day and haunt them by night. Our world is sick with war; everywhere we turn we see its ominous possibilities. And yet, my friends, the Christmas hope for peace and good will toward all men can no longer be dismissed as a kind of pious dream of some utopian."

As he continued his sermon, Martin Luther King, Jr. poignantly argued against the popular belief amongst great nations that one can simply divorce the means they employ from the ends they want to achieve. He said powerful nations think that the means are of little consequence so long as the just society is realized. No matter if their means are violent, dishonest, or unjust, powerful nations assume the just society should be pursued by any means necessary. King, however, declares that such dangerous thinking actually puts the just society further out of reach.

Like the interrelated world in which we live, King asserts that the means and the ends are eternally interconnected. I've always taken delight in the manner King proves his thesis to his congregation. He doesn't use complex algorithms or dazzling statistics. Instead, King substantiates his argument by appealing to God's creation embodied in the seed and the tree. Just as one doesn't grow oranges by planting apple seeds, neither can one expect to bring about peaceful and just ends by using violent and corrupt means. 

While King's argument is decidedly persuasive, it is not entirely original. I recently came across a reading from Matthew 7 that I can't help but think inspired King's sermon. In v.16-18, Jesus warns his disciples saying, "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn-bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit." 

In age of customization and compartmentalization, is it any wonder why our nation and our world continually fails at securing justice and establishing peace? Our culture finds interconnectedness an annoying impediment to one's autonomy and personal freedoms. Our world judges interrelatedness an irritating hinderance to political dominance and economic supremacy. Consequently, we live in a dangerous time that where most are obsessed with affects while having little concern for causes. By which I mean, more often the question is asked, "how will I be affected?", while less frequently does one consider, "will this or that cause others to suffer and grieve?"  

Neither Jesus, King, or myself claim to have discovered a perfect solution to terrorism and racism.  What is certain is that terrorism and racism blossom only after seeds of hate and ignorance have been planted. Therefore, I've come to believe that peace and reconciliation grow only when seeds of love and forgiveness have been sown. Haven't empires and factions have planted enough bad trees through the ages? Has not their bloodshed and oppression produced an endless supply of bad fruit?

It has been almost 50 years since King delivered his Christmas sermon on peace, and the need for good trees and good fruit is greater than ever. So this Christmas season may we be the grapes among the thorns. May we be the figs among the thistles. Where there is division growing, may we plant seeds of unity instead. Where there is fear rising, may we sow kernels of hope in its place. For if we are ever to reach the just society, it will be thanks to the unbreakable bond between seeds and trees. 

CJE

Sufficient Abundance

23 Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

 

25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm[b]—my great army that I sent among you.26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.27Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed...

- Joel 2:23-27

Well election season has officially passed. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't intend to post my thoughts and feelings that this election's outcome stirred inside me. Mostly because there is no more misunderstood or misinterpreted expressions than those transmitted electronically. More importantly, the aftermath of the category 5 hurricane of conflict and hatred that consumed this election needs to be discussed not in emails, tweets, posts, or snapchats, but talked about face to face in small groups amongst people who look and think nothing alike.

Instead I want us to remember that now is the season for thankfulness, which might be slightly more difficult to do this year. I say slightly because it doesn't take long before God's word recalls the countless underserved blessings God bestows to me each and every day.  A couple weeks ago I came across Joel 2 and its beautiful description about the truth of God's provision. For while the amenities and luxuries provided by the world ultimately leave us empty, God's provision always makes us full. 

Among the many signs of spiritual growth, I think one of them finds the world's meaningless offerings less and less attractive. Where once we might have been enticed by extravagant homes or luxury cars, we come to realize what initial fulfillment comes with extravagance quickly evaporates in the wake of flooded basements and flat tires. Where once we may have been charmed by fame and fortune, we eventually understand what early satisfaction arrives with achieving celebrity status or a new tax bracket often dissolves into depression and ruin. 

If anything should be growing inside us, it should be our fascination and wonder at the abundance of God's provisions. Has there ever been a time when God's grace to us appeared measly? When was there ever be a moment when God's love for us seemed meager? How could there ever be an instance when God's forgiveness of us felt paltry? For the God of the universe will see to it that such precious blessings never go out of stock, nor will God permit such beautiful gifts to be discontinued.

Better are my days when I recognize the truth displayed in Joel 2 that God's provision is not only sufficient, but abundant. Lifted is my head when I admit God's bounty not only stretches beyond the boundaries of enough, but extends to the outskirts of surplus. Healed is my heart when I acknowledge God's offering not only rises to the brim of adequacy, but spills over with splashes of plenty. Renewed is my soul when I confess God's blessings will not only fill my emptiness, but restore to me all that I have lost. 

So let us not tire from saying aloud all that God has done for us. Even if grief and heartache have invited themselves to your Thanksgiving table, I pray their presence does not obscure your view of the delicious abundance and tasty prosperity God has spent all your life preparing. Like the psalmist cries out, may not our crushing loss and crippling despair keep us from tasting and seeing that the Lord is good. For blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him and puts their hope in His sufficient abundance. 

CJE

 

The Long Road

...17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. 19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob... - DEUTERONOMY 30:17-20

Over the years I driven a lot of miles. Whether as a case manager when transported my clients all over the city or when driving hundreds of miles in every direction to visit good friends and family. In recent years I've come to rely on Google Maps to provide me with the shortest drive time on my travels. It has proven itself a worthy companion in its ability to circumventive approaching congestion, accidents, and construction. 

When it comes to driving, I believe all of us are a fan of short cuts. I mean who doesn't like getting to their destination as smoothly and quickly as possible? When it comes to living, however, Moses here in Deut 30 counsels us against taking short cuts. Moses warns that short cuts ultimately result in short lives. Instead, he heartens the people of Israel to choose the long road of obedience and faithfulness that promises long lives.

You don't have to posses a marketing degree to notice how most commercials entice consumers with short cuts. Some promise rapid weight loss, while others promote rapid muscle build up. Some ensure fast tracks to wealth, while others guarantee your true love is just a quick click away. And yet for the promotions and promises, these short cuts often leave consumers feeling short changed. 

For all their wisdom on how to get and obtain, short cuts cannot offer any advice as how to keep and maintain. They don't have any recommendations on how to keep weight off or preserve muscle tone. Shorts cuts offer no answers on how remain good stewards of money or sustain a new love for 60 years and beyond. In reality, one's ability to comprehend such recommendations and answers will require a lengthy stretch of road marked with patience and perseverance. 

While there's always a reason for joy and praise along the way, the long road often passes through places that are not enjoyable or necessary safe. And time and time again, we will tempted to circumventive approaching heartache, bypass impending sacrifice, and avoid oncoming grief. Yet the long road still better than the short cut not because it is always fun, easy, or safe, but because it is right.

Even when faithful lives are cut short by cancer and bike accidents, the long road of hope and trust can teach how such events allow the faithful to start living the life they've always yearned for and that is life everlasting. For us the living, each morning when we wake the choice is set before us, short cuts or long roads. Despite the uncertainties each new day brings, I choose life. I look forward to greeting you along the way as together we walk the long road.  

CJE

Broken But Not Defeated

"...30 I will not say much more to you, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold over me, 31 but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me. “Come now; let us leave..." - John 14:30-31

This Saturday marks 6 years since my heart broke completely in two at the loss of my little brother to a ridiculous bike accident on the streets of New York City. Six years later Marcus' absence remains excruciatingly obvious, and yet at the same time God's love and provision are delightfully evident (especially when delivered through the hugs of a precious nephew).

Once we emerge from the numbness of loss, I believe we can learn much if we are willing to put in the hard work such knowledge requires. Speaking for myself, it wasn't long after losing Marcus when I realized much of my faith had been comprised of expecting and assuming rather than believing and trusting. 

More recently in early 2015 I was preparing to teach the adult bible class on John 14 when God revealed to me a most powerful lesson, and ever since nourishes my trust and sustains my hope in times of brokenness. John 14 comes to a triumphant close with Jesus talking about the approaching arrival of Satan into the events that were about to unfold at the cross. 

Now Luke seems to depict this time as a moment when the forces of darkness display their power, which wouldn't be destroyed until the resurrection. However, John bangs his fists on the pulpit declaring, "Wait just a minute!" Far from being the hour of Satan's commendation, it is the hour of Satan's condemnation. Far from being the hour of Satan's victory, the cross is the hour of Satan's crushing defeat. 

You see for John there is a comic difference between being broken and being defeated. Yes, Christ's heart and body were broken in two. By no means, however, does it mean that Jesus Christ has been defeated. For John it doesn't matter what you believe or what Satan believes, the events of the cross compel all the world to conclude Jesus' cause of death was obedient love and not any Satanic victory. If Jesus' example teaches us anything, it's that an obedient death comes about as the result of having lived an obedient life.

And yet the reality remains that all of us will be broken at one time or another. The challenge for us will be to not give up our pursuit of an obedient life when grief and despair appear to be on the verge of victory. The test for us will be to not surrender our trust in God's unfailing love when both naive expectations that we'll see those we love over the holidays and gullible assumptions that we'll talk to them tomorrow are heartbreakingly proven wrong. The trial for us will be to not forfeit our belief in truth of John 14 that though we can be broken, we cannot be defeated. 

CJE

A Time To Fight

"1 IF THE LORD HAD NOT BEEN ON OUR SIDE— LET ISRAEL SAY—2 IF THE LORD HAD NOT BEEN ON OUR SIDE WHEN PEOPLE ATTACKED US,3 THEY WOULD HAVE SWALLOWED US ALIVE WHEN THEIR ANGER FLARED AGAINST US 4 THE FLOOD WOULD HAVE ENGULFED US, THE TORRENT WOULD HAVE SWEPT OVER US, 5 THE RAGING WATERS WOULD HAVE SWEPT US AWAY..." - PSALM 124:1-5

It may sound strange coming from a pacifist, but I do believe that there is a time to fight. A fight not against armies or adversaries, but a fight against disease and disability. A fight intended not to snuff out life, but a fight aimed at trying to preserve it. While the healthy and the strong go about their day expecting little interruption or inconvenience, the sick and the weak spend the day fighting cancers and infections trying their hardest to kill them. 

A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit some good friends in Columbus, Ohio who find themselves on the frontline of such a battle.  I first met Justin and Joy a couple years ago while working along side them at our church camp in northeast Ohio. Joy was not able to work at church camp this year because she was pregnant with their first child. Well about a month and half ago, Joy gave birth to a precious baby boy named Beckham. 

However, Beckham experienced severe complications during the delivery that had a devastating impact on his tiny kidneys. He was immediately put on dialysis and admitted to the hospital's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) where I visited with Justin and Joy for just a few minutes. Now this was my first time on a NICU floor and was immediately struck by the atmosphere of serious urgency permeating the unit.   

Then as I walked the halls in search of Beckham's room I quickly noticed something else. There was not a single empty room on a floor with dozens and dozens of beds. Justin and Joy would later tell me of a waiting list for families needing a bed to open up. Any prior assumption I had that healthy childbirth was the norm had been completely obliterated. Like all believers juggling faith and doubt, I felt both a need to praise God that NICUs even exist to give sick babies a fighting chance and yet I had to ask, why do NICUs need to exist at all?

My visit with Justin and Joy only lasted 30 minutes, but it was enough to leave me considerably humbled and meaningfully ashamed. Humbled by the grace of having good health going on 35.95 years. Ashamed by my grumbling about trivial frustrations and complaints over brief disappointments. All heartache I've ever known is a drop in the bucket that is totally unlike the deep wells of suffering inside parents of sick children. 

Even the lost of a brother is but a ripple of grief compared to the giant deluge of heartache crashing in upon parents unable to shield their child from awful sickness and terrible pain. If there is any encouragement I could give to NICU parents like Justin and Joy, then it would be Psalm 124.

The psalmist declares that you and your baby are not alone in the fight. Besides having great doctors and saintly nurses, you have the God of the universe in your corner fighting with you against the forces of brokenness. And He will keep you from being consumed by the fires of your heartache, and save you from drowning in the tears of your grief. 

 As for those blessed with good health like me, let us do all we can to send reinforcements and supplies to those who are in the fight for life. Because now is not a time for polite appeasement with despair, nor an occasion to peacefully concede to hopelessness. For baby boy Beckham and countless precious babies like him, now is a time to fight. 

CJE

Alone Doesn't Have To Mean Lonely

I'm not sure where the time goes, but next weekend is the beginning of October. There was a time when I looked forward to October with its cooler temperatures, brightly colored leaves, and the start of playoff baseball. Since losing Marcus, however, October 1st has become for me a kind of Opening Day for a season of loneliness that usually lasts through the holidays.  

Don't get me wrong, the beauty of God's creation in autumn still takes my breath away and I still find great joy anytime I get to watch the National League win the World Series. And yet I can't escape the perceptible quiet of my house and the audible silence of my phone. In such lonely moments, I think about how nice it would be for Marcus to visit or call.

Now one does not experience loneliness only in the aftermath of tragic loss. For whether you find yourself in good times or heartbreaking moments, whether you are happily married or like myself having been diagnosed chronically single; I believe all of us will experience loneliness at one time or another.  

Though a natural part of the human condition, loneliness ultimately proves incompatible with a life built on faith in Jesus Christ. Several years ago Adrienne introduced me to writings of Elisabeth Elliot. Through both immeasurable loss and terrific gain in her life, I find Elliot provides great insights into both the cause of loneliness and remedies for it. In her book, Passion and Purity, Elliot encourages the reader to first be still and know that He is God. For if He is God, then Elliot says He is still in charge. 

Second, remember that you are not alone. For He is there never once forgetting you. Third, Give thanks that your momentary loneliness is outweighed by eternal glory. Fourth, absolutely refuse self-pity and its power to destroy you. Fifth, accept your loneliness as one stage, and not the only stage for it will not always last. Sixth, offer up your loneliness to God so He can transform it for the good of others. And finally, do something for someone else for there is always something you can do and there is always someone who needs you. 

Whether your season of loneliness is ending or just beginning, may of all us do our best to remember that loneliness can stay a feeling and not become a reality. For in moments when we feel isolated, it does imply we have to stay secluded. In instances when we sense we have been deserted, it does not signify that we have been abandoned. In times when we feel alone, it does not mean we have to be lonely. 

CJE

The Better Country

"...13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one..."- Hebrews 11:13-16

Good morning. At one time or another, many believers turn to Hebrews 11 and its examples of faith for inspiration. However, this morning I believe the Hebrew writer can also offer seasoned Christians terrified by the upcoming election what they need most...assurance and direction. And when you think about it, what good is inspiration without assurance and direction?    

As mentioned last week, I find the 2016 Election causing a rising wave of fear and anguish among those who have been Christians for 40 years or more. I believe this dread and despair comes from a belief that the country of their youth was somehow more committed to morality, family, and the rule of law than this current generation. The history of America does little to support such a belief. Throughout its history, America has been a confounding mix of promise and contradiction, incredible highs and tragic lows. 

Even when "The Greatest Generation" liberated Europe in WW II, it did so in segregated units and black veterans returned home to find that they had not been liberated from separate drinking fountains and violent discrimination. Like all human governments and nations, America has always been tragically flawed and never really had a garden of Eden where everything and everyone was harmoniously perfect. 

If Hebrews 11 teaches us anything, it's that a believer's pursuit for a better country in this broken world is an exercise in futility. And why? According to the Hebrew writer, this is because what the believer is looking for exists outside this earthly sphere. For the logic of fallen nations operate from a position of self-preservation that is more concerned with keeping things from getting worse for some rather than making things better for all. 

My own experiences have only strengthened my belief that one of the church's primary duties is to clean up the spills and messes that world governments make. So what is the Christian to do? Just do nothing and let the country fall apart? By no means. The believer should engage our broken system to insist that it fulfills its obligations to justice more than demanding it meet the requirements of righteousness.

I don't expect I can persuade America to make itself last so that third-world countries can be first, but I should do what I can to see it delivers a great education to every child within its borders. I don't suppose I can convince America to beat its drones into plowshares, but I should do what I can to see it offers my retired diabetic clients the ability to afford both their insulin and their utility bill. I don't presume I can motive America to wash the feet of its traitors, but I should do what I can to see it protects affordable housing regardless of location.

With Hebrews 11 as a guide, there is a chance that we will not receive all the fruits of our labor, that we might welcome the fruition of all our hopes at a distance. It may very well be for some future generation to possess what we strive for today living by faith. So as we draw closer to November, I encourage believers of all ages to take heart and do not be afraid. And let not the candidates' promises to make this country great satisfy our longing for that country residing in the heavenly realm, which will always be the better country.  

CJE

A Mop And A Bucket

Let me begin by saying that I take no joy in discussing politics. With all the thousands of topics one could discuss, why would anyone chose talk about politics. Personally, I much rather talk about music, the beauty of God's creation, and my hopes for the future just to name a few. However, I want to take the next two posts to address an unnerving facet of the 2016 Presidential Election.

Though I firmly believe that there exists 299,999,998 better candidates, the most disconcerting feature of this election season is not the two polarizing candidates selected to run for President. What concerns me more is the swelling tide of fear and despair expressed by Christians of all ages. Whether it be in online posts I read or conversations I hear at church, there is a palpable sense amongst seasoned Christians I know that the sky is falling, and that we are in mortal danger regardless of the election's outcome. 

Psalm 112:6-8 has a powerful message for Christians consumed with dread and despair. The psalmist implores us not to forget about the unshakeable and enduring power of righteousness embodied in steadfast hearts that trust not in flawed human candidates, but that trust in the Lord. According to the psalmist, believers with such secure hearts will have no fear of bad news and in the end they will look in triumph over any foe. 

And if the psalmists still does not bring assurance and peace, then I suggest we recall the confidence and certainty of the vacation bible school songs we learned long ago. As a child many of the adults who are freaking out now taught me lyrics like, "...he's got the whole world in his hands," or "...my God is big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." Has it gotten so bad that these lyrics now seem naive? 

There is no question the outcome this election will have a significant impact on the country, but does it really have the ability to overthrow the Kingdom of God. Absolutely not. Sure the result of this election will likely worsen the discord, but does it really have the capacity to dethrone the Prince of Peace? Think again. Yeah the aftermath of this election will probably create even bigger messes for the church to clean up, but does it really have the power to usurp control from the creator of the universe? Not even close.

It is important for Christians to engage whatever culture he or she finds themselves, and this includes the painful act of voting. However, Christians need to manage the expectations of their vote. In a process influenced by millions of dollars and special interests, I don't expect my vote will usher in a new year of Jubilee and the canceling of debts. More likely, I imagine my vote "tries" to select a candidate who make fewer spills. For Christians will never clean up our country and the world in quests for power with a ballot, but only through acts of servanthood with a mop and a bucket. 

CJE

Marcus Isn't Coming Home

Over the past six years I've encountered many bends and turns along the path of acceptance as I try my best to live life without Marcus. A life where my heart bends more toward worship than it turns in the direction of despair. A life where my heart turns more toward trusting God's promises than it bends to Satan's lies. 

Since losing Marcus, I've tried to express my heartache in healthy ways. I grieve for him every October, honor him every November at the Hope Film Series, and miss him every December at the Christmas dinner table. If I'm guilty of any unhealthy practices, then it's my small indulgences of make believe. From time to time, I've allowed myself to pretend that Marcus isn't gone, but still busy doing God's work in New York City. 

I tell myself he doesn't visit because he's swamped at work helping struggling parents improve their lives for the sake of their kids. I say to myself he doesn't call me anymore because he's busy at HI-DEF inspiring teenagers to transcend the boundaries of society's expectations. Silly I know, but it has helped. Well tomorrow I say goodbye to the luxuries of make believe.

Tomorrow I leave for New York City to help Adrienne and Georgie load their belongings in the U-Haul and drive them back to their new home on the west side of Cincinnati. My cup runs over with joy and gratitude at the opportunity to make full use of my uncle privileges including attending sporting events, school plays, and camp outs in my backyard.  In last few weeks several people asked me, "Aren't you so excited to have Adrienne and Georgie living back home?" My reply is much like the eye-rolling responses I often get from the girls in the youth group, which is always, "Yeah! Duh?"

However, the incompleteness of their question reveals the glaring void in my life that at times I've wanted to pretend didn't exist. For in their question they don't mention Marcus whatsoever, and that's because of the bitter reality that Marcus is not here.  How grateful I am for a faith where bitter truths represent only a part of my reality, and not all of it. Yet their question also stands full of hope and jubilation that signifies the other part of my reality, and that's because Adrienne and Georgie are coming here. This encapsulates the strange paradox of all grieving believers. We find ourselves caught between feeling the fullness of God's grace and provision, while simultaneously sensing a part of us is always missing. 

As excited as I am for Adrienne and Georgie's arrival, I am terribly sad to part with the comforts of make believe. But that is the cost of seeking to take the path of acceptance wherever it leads.  And right now the certainty of my path bends towards a truth that no amount of pretending, fantasy, or imagination can obscure. The truth I need to fully accept is that Marcus isn't too preoccupied to hang out. The certainty I need to readily admit is that Marcus isn't too busy to call. Worse yet, the reality I need to willingly embrace is that Marcus isn't coming home. 

CJE