22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
-Ephesians 5:21-33
Good afternoon. One would hope that the word, “FAMILY,” comes to mind when he or she thinks of their church. But what does that mean? Why does this truth totally change how members in a church perceive one another? How does this truth completely alter the way members in a church family interact with one another? In other words, church members must ask each other, “what am I to you and what are you to me?”
Lets be clear, our associations to one another extend well beyond the bounds ordinary peers who share the same faith. Nor do our connections to one another limit themselves to the constraints of mere acquaintances who occupy the same pew. And above all, our obligations to one another reach so much farther than the confines of close friends who gather at the same building.
In putting forth a proper understanding of family, Eph 5 speaks directly to all that keeps a marriage and a church together, and indirectly cautions against all that causes a marriage or a church to come undone. Eph 5 aims to speak not only to husbands and wives on how to keep their relationship healthy and vibrant, but also shows concern for brothers and sisters in church keeping their relationship strong and energetic.
Eph 5 replaces a prior understanding of marriage and church defined by our culture with a Christ-centered view of family and church. Seen through the lens of Christ, Eph 5 redefines every role in both married life and in church life. Eph 5 show us what it truly means to be a husband and a wife, what it genuinely means to be a brother and a sister within a church family.
When beginning to address similarities between a marriage and the church, Eph 5 begins with this instruction in v. 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” In freshman English class you might hear lead sentences like this one referred to as a thesis statement. In one sentence, a good thesis statement encapsulates the author’s main point. The author proceeds to defend their thesis statement in the subsequent paragraphs.
So when you or I enter into a marriage or a church, what should be our first response according to Eph 5? What is our opening act? Is it to mark our territory? Is it to make demands? No, it is TO SUBMIT. Perhaps one best understands Christ-centered submission by first identifying what Christ-centered submission DOES NOT represent.
By its definition, one submits by yielding to the authority or will of another, or when one consents to adhere to the opinion or authority of another. In either case, a part of Christ-centered submission is the element of choice. History painfully teaches that any effort at submission without consent quickly escalates into violence and oppression. Today too many family members from both inside and outside the church find themselves threaten or beaten into submission, and by “too many” I mean more than ZERO.
By no means does Eph 5 encourage one to submit the insults, neglect or bruises inflicted by family or church members. To suggest otherwise not only misleads families, but such falsehoods put families in danger. One does not submit to the abuses inflicted by their families or churches if only because Christ never created the family or the church for such purposes.
According to Eph 5, Christ made the family and the church holy and blameless without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. In the place of stains, wrinkles, and blemishes, Christ created the family and the church for the purpose of satisfying the one need all God’s children share, and that is the need for love.
Therefore, it is only in the context of a family or a church freely choosing to love one another as the Lord loves them that Eph 5 instructs one to submit. Ironically, only when referencing our enemies does Scripture encourages us to bear abuses, endure persecutions, and risk broken bones. Because if anyone hurts us or harms us, please let it be by our enemies and not by our family or our church.
And if not submission, then what is the Christ-centered response to the abuses and pain caused by families and churches? That’s a good question, and one that does not come with easy answers. Nevertheless, all of us need to consider how we respond in such situations when one abuses the privileges of family and church.
Because one of the great strengths of both a family and a church resonates in the fact that neither exist as social clubs or country clubs that handpick its members based on mutual interest or admiration. Though as a child I confess there were days when I would not have hesitated to trade my brother for a video game and a pack of chewing gum. Yet thankfully for my brother and for us, our admittance to a family or a church does not depend one’s personal consent.
This great strength, however, only reinforces Satan’s resolve to find a weakness and exploit it. Like its pursuit of Judas, Satan searches endlessly through a family or a church for those most susceptible to betrayal. And by engineering betrayal so unexpected and so devastating, Satan hopes such betrayal destroy one’s faith, family, church all at once.
By acknowledging Satan’s presence in abuses suffered within a family or a church, it helps us to know how we MUST respond when such abuses occur. While submit has many antonyms, the ones most appropriate for Christians when responding to abuse in a family or a church are CONFRONT, COUNTER, and if necessary, REPEL.
First, a family or a church must CONFRONT any abuse caused by another within their walls. Families and churches must deny any impulse to remain ignorant or keep quiet when one of its members comes to harm. Instead, families and churches must acknowledge the suffering of victims and commit all its resources to their healing. Only when brought into the light of day can the darkness of such terrible acts be driven out.
Second, a family or a church must COUNTER any abuse inflicted by someone under their same roof. When responding to the pain of its members, families and churches must resist any urge to meet abuse with abuse, any desire to greet injury with injury.
Rather than responding in kind, families and churches respond differently by infusing their discipline for the perpetrator with mercy and filling their consequences for the victim with justice. Only when both parties are treated differently than the behavior they showed or the actions they endured can the open wounds of such awful deeds be closed.
Third, a family or a church must REPEL any abuse committed by someone sitting at their table. When good faith efforts at confronting and countering fail, families and churches must suppress any urge to delay in repelling those who persist in their plans to harm them.
While never surrendering their hope in a abuser’s capacity to change, families and churches must surround themselves with physical and emotional boundaries until such change occurs. Only when sensing a considerable distance between themselves and harm can families and churches begin to feel safe.
Now that we know what Christ-centered submission does not signify, let us seek to understand what how a marriage teaches a church to submit as Christ intended. Eph 5 begins by focusing its attention on the duty of the wife when it says in v.24,”24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” How then does a church model its submission to Christ and each other after the wife’s example in Eph 5?
First, a wife’s submission to her husband says to him, “I Support You Always.” So if I want to communicate my unwavering support of Christ, then like the wife I submit my will to Christ’s requests. Should I desire to express my steadfast support of you, then I submit my wants to your needs.
Second, a wife’s submission to her husband conveys to him, “I Trust You Completely.” So if I want to articulate my resolute trust in Christ, then like the wife I submit my plans to Christ’s will. Should I want to express my stanch trust in you, then I submit my fears to your confidence.
Third, a wife’s submission to her husband imparts to him, “I Respect You Deeply.” So if I want to convey my deep respect for Christ, then like the wife I submit my sovereignty to Christ’s authority. Should I seek to express my profound respect for you, then I submit my stupidity to your wisdom.
From the conduct of the wife, Eph 5 sets its attention on the responsibilities of the husband saying in v.25, “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.”
When first entering into marriage, I would imagine most husbands naturally feel overwhelmed when presented with the task of keeping his family together. Similarly, I suspect most elders initially feel overwhelmed when charged with the duty of keeping their church together.
Thankfully, Eph 5 calms the fears of both husbands and elders by encouraging them to perform three specific acts for their families. Certainly these three acts do not represent an exhaustive list for a Christ-centered husband or elder to perform. However, Eph 5 certainly expects them to be carried out with regularity.
Moreover, Eph 5 remains convinced that the more husbands and elders practice these acts, the more they find themselves capable and successful in carrying out their responsibilities. How then does the church reflect its care for Christ and for each other when following after the husband’s example in Eph 5?
First, a husband responds to his wife’s submission with love. So just as the husband surrenders his anger to love his wife, then I too submit my sins to Christ’s forgiveness. When it comes to showing my love for you, then I submit my transgressions to your mercy.
Second, a husband responds to his wife’s submission with sacrifice. So just as the husband sacrifices his pride to bring honor to his wife, then I too submit my pride to Christ’s glory. When it comes to conveying my willingness to sacrifice for you, I submit my ego to your humility.
Third, a husband responds to his wife’s submission with provision. So just as the husband takes from his bounty to provide for his wife, then I too submit my plenty to Christ’s needs. When it comes expressing my desire to share my provisions with you, I submit my abundance to your scarcity.
For those who might be thinking, “Chris, you paint a pretty picture of submission, but it’s not that easy, it’s not simple.” Well, you’re right. Regardless of translation, does anyone find words like “easy” and “simple” in Eph 5? Besides the being standard for truth, I appreciate Scripture so much for setting the benchmark for honesty.
Free of exaggeration and romanticism, Eph 5 infuses its depiction of life in a marriage with candor and reality. Absent of hyperbole and fantasy, Eph 5 injects its description of life in a church with sincerity and certainty. How does Eph 5 portray marriage and church in v.32? Yeah, it calls them both, “…a profound mystery…”
Mystery always exists beyond our control. An individual cannot create or solve mystery. Mystery can only be tolerated and appreciated when one submits, when one kneels before what is more than himself or herself. And though mysteries are never easy or simple; they are still possible and they can still be beautiful.
But what makes marriage and church “not so simple” and “not so easy,” and thereby making the act of submitting not so appealing or inviting? Well I think we start by trying to understand what causes submission to occur so infrequently in our culture.
As prevalent as Coca-Cola and McDonalds, individualism and competition represent two of the most recognizable brands produce by our society. On almost every street corner, individualism finds willing buyers in need of a doctrine that suggests the interests and rights of the individual not only supersede all else, but originate in the individual.
The virtual absence of submission in such a competitive and fragmented society only magnifies the importance marriage and church. The counter-culture created by marriage and church serves as a cure against the sinful diseases arising out of competition and individualism. Marriage and church refuse to individualize our identity, but insist rather that we are members of one another and subject one another.
For we discover the remedy to the sin of seeking my own way with God by submitting to the truth that we cannot obtain salvation on our own. We find the cure for the sin of wanting one’s own way with their spouse or their children by submitting to the fact that one cannot make it on my own.
Marriage and church also exist to remind us that we do not make the most of ourselves by ourselves, but making the most of relationships with one another. And despite competition and individualism efforts to convince us otherwise, the best relationships in marriage and church never come about by overpowering the other. No, the best relationships in marriage and church happen when we partake of the fruits of submission.
Though the fruits of submission are many, intimacy and responsibility represent two of them. While the possibility of relationships exists for those who only yield to their desires, those relationships are destined to be distant, shallow, and infrequent. They may come to be known as a buddy, a pal, and maybe even a companion. But they will never know what it means to be called a husband and a wife, a father and a mother, a son and a daughter, or a brother and sister.
Only through submission can relationships in marriage and church reach the depths of intimacy. For it is in the depths of intimacy where a husband and a wife experience the birth of their children, and where believers witness the rebirth of their brothers and sisters in baptism, and where a brother finds himself having to tell his parents that their son has died.
And from this intimate family language used both in Eph 5 and between each other comes the fruit of responsibility. While those who only surrender to their wants can display feelings of care and concern, those feelings are fated to be convenient, quick, and few. They may collect a buddy’s mail, run to the store for a sick pal, or even cut a neighbor’s grass. But they will never know what it means to care for an ailing spouse, work multiple jobs so their children can go to college, or serve free meals on Wednesday nights to those who need it.
Only through submission can relationships in marriage and church experience the privilege of responsibility. For it is the privilege of responsibility where a husband and wife work side by side changing diapers and transporting kids to soccer games, and where widows and orphans in their distress are looked after.
Looking back v21, Eph 5 instructs us marriages and churches on how they are to give meaning to their submission. Marriages and churches do not submit begrudgingly or robotic-ally. According to Eph 5, what is it spurs us to submit? REVERENCE FOR CHRIST. Reverence itself signifies more than awe or respect, but also entails a sense fear and trembling. Without reverence for Christ, submission becomes much less radical and much less powerful. More importantly, without reverence for Christ we become susceptible to the habits of irreverence.
Taken together, it is submission and reverence for Christ that changes how marriages and churches perceive one another. It is submission and reverence for Christ that alter the way marriages and churches interact with one another. It submission and reverence for Christ that transform the responsibilities marriages and churches assume for one another.
Let there be no doubt, submission and reverence for Christ requires much of marriages and churches. They will require marriages and churches to set the standard for love. Where competition and individualism fuel of hate and division, marriages and churches nourish efforts at compassion and unity. Submission and reverence for Christ will also demand marriages and churches become the benchmark for sacrifice. Where competition and individualism advocate greed and indulgence, marriages and churches promote generosity and self-control.
But for as much as they ask of marriages and churches, submission and reverence for Christ also have much to give. For where competition and individualism see weakness, marriages and churches find their strength. And this is my prayer for all of us as we prepare to meet the week ahead of us. That whether in your in marriage or in your church, I pray God always bestows unto you the strength to submit.
CJE