Broken But Not Defeated

"...30 I will not say much more to you, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold over me, 31 but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me. “Come now; let us leave..." - John 14:30-31

This Saturday marks 6 years since my heart broke completely in two at the loss of my little brother to a ridiculous bike accident on the streets of New York City. Six years later Marcus' absence remains excruciatingly obvious, and yet at the same time God's love and provision are delightfully evident (especially when delivered through the hugs of a precious nephew).

Once we emerge from the numbness of loss, I believe we can learn much if we are willing to put in the hard work such knowledge requires. Speaking for myself, it wasn't long after losing Marcus when I realized much of my faith had been comprised of expecting and assuming rather than believing and trusting. 

More recently in early 2015 I was preparing to teach the adult bible class on John 14 when God revealed to me a most powerful lesson, and ever since nourishes my trust and sustains my hope in times of brokenness. John 14 comes to a triumphant close with Jesus talking about the approaching arrival of Satan into the events that were about to unfold at the cross. 

Now Luke seems to depict this time as a moment when the forces of darkness display their power, which wouldn't be destroyed until the resurrection. However, John bangs his fists on the pulpit declaring, "Wait just a minute!" Far from being the hour of Satan's commendation, it is the hour of Satan's condemnation. Far from being the hour of Satan's victory, the cross is the hour of Satan's crushing defeat. 

You see for John there is a comic difference between being broken and being defeated. Yes, Christ's heart and body were broken in two. By no means, however, does it mean that Jesus Christ has been defeated. For John it doesn't matter what you believe or what Satan believes, the events of the cross compel all the world to conclude Jesus' cause of death was obedient love and not any Satanic victory. If Jesus' example teaches us anything, it's that an obedient death comes about as the result of having lived an obedient life.

And yet the reality remains that all of us will be broken at one time or another. The challenge for us will be to not give up our pursuit of an obedient life when grief and despair appear to be on the verge of victory. The test for us will be to not surrender our trust in God's unfailing love when both naive expectations that we'll see those we love over the holidays and gullible assumptions that we'll talk to them tomorrow are heartbreakingly proven wrong. The trial for us will be to not forfeit our belief in truth of John 14 that though we can be broken, we cannot be defeated. 

CJE

A Time To Fight

"1 IF THE LORD HAD NOT BEEN ON OUR SIDE— LET ISRAEL SAY—2 IF THE LORD HAD NOT BEEN ON OUR SIDE WHEN PEOPLE ATTACKED US,3 THEY WOULD HAVE SWALLOWED US ALIVE WHEN THEIR ANGER FLARED AGAINST US 4 THE FLOOD WOULD HAVE ENGULFED US, THE TORRENT WOULD HAVE SWEPT OVER US, 5 THE RAGING WATERS WOULD HAVE SWEPT US AWAY..." - PSALM 124:1-5

It may sound strange coming from a pacifist, but I do believe that there is a time to fight. A fight not against armies or adversaries, but a fight against disease and disability. A fight intended not to snuff out life, but a fight aimed at trying to preserve it. While the healthy and the strong go about their day expecting little interruption or inconvenience, the sick and the weak spend the day fighting cancers and infections trying their hardest to kill them. 

A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit some good friends in Columbus, Ohio who find themselves on the frontline of such a battle.  I first met Justin and Joy a couple years ago while working along side them at our church camp in northeast Ohio. Joy was not able to work at church camp this year because she was pregnant with their first child. Well about a month and half ago, Joy gave birth to a precious baby boy named Beckham. 

However, Beckham experienced severe complications during the delivery that had a devastating impact on his tiny kidneys. He was immediately put on dialysis and admitted to the hospital's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) where I visited with Justin and Joy for just a few minutes. Now this was my first time on a NICU floor and was immediately struck by the atmosphere of serious urgency permeating the unit.   

Then as I walked the halls in search of Beckham's room I quickly noticed something else. There was not a single empty room on a floor with dozens and dozens of beds. Justin and Joy would later tell me of a waiting list for families needing a bed to open up. Any prior assumption I had that healthy childbirth was the norm had been completely obliterated. Like all believers juggling faith and doubt, I felt both a need to praise God that NICUs even exist to give sick babies a fighting chance and yet I had to ask, why do NICUs need to exist at all?

My visit with Justin and Joy only lasted 30 minutes, but it was enough to leave me considerably humbled and meaningfully ashamed. Humbled by the grace of having good health going on 35.95 years. Ashamed by my grumbling about trivial frustrations and complaints over brief disappointments. All heartache I've ever known is a drop in the bucket that is totally unlike the deep wells of suffering inside parents of sick children. 

Even the lost of a brother is but a ripple of grief compared to the giant deluge of heartache crashing in upon parents unable to shield their child from awful sickness and terrible pain. If there is any encouragement I could give to NICU parents like Justin and Joy, then it would be Psalm 124.

The psalmist declares that you and your baby are not alone in the fight. Besides having great doctors and saintly nurses, you have the God of the universe in your corner fighting with you against the forces of brokenness. And He will keep you from being consumed by the fires of your heartache, and save you from drowning in the tears of your grief. 

 As for those blessed with good health like me, let us do all we can to send reinforcements and supplies to those who are in the fight for life. Because now is not a time for polite appeasement with despair, nor an occasion to peacefully concede to hopelessness. For baby boy Beckham and countless precious babies like him, now is a time to fight. 

CJE

Alone Doesn't Have To Mean Lonely

I'm not sure where the time goes, but next weekend is the beginning of October. There was a time when I looked forward to October with its cooler temperatures, brightly colored leaves, and the start of playoff baseball. Since losing Marcus, however, October 1st has become for me a kind of Opening Day for a season of loneliness that usually lasts through the holidays.  

Don't get me wrong, the beauty of God's creation in autumn still takes my breath away and I still find great joy anytime I get to watch the National League win the World Series. And yet I can't escape the perceptible quiet of my house and the audible silence of my phone. In such lonely moments, I think about how nice it would be for Marcus to visit or call.

Now one does not experience loneliness only in the aftermath of tragic loss. For whether you find yourself in good times or heartbreaking moments, whether you are happily married or like myself having been diagnosed chronically single; I believe all of us will experience loneliness at one time or another.  

Though a natural part of the human condition, loneliness ultimately proves incompatible with a life built on faith in Jesus Christ. Several years ago Adrienne introduced me to writings of Elisabeth Elliot. Through both immeasurable loss and terrific gain in her life, I find Elliot provides great insights into both the cause of loneliness and remedies for it. In her book, Passion and Purity, Elliot encourages the reader to first be still and know that He is God. For if He is God, then Elliot says He is still in charge. 

Second, remember that you are not alone. For He is there never once forgetting you. Third, Give thanks that your momentary loneliness is outweighed by eternal glory. Fourth, absolutely refuse self-pity and its power to destroy you. Fifth, accept your loneliness as one stage, and not the only stage for it will not always last. Sixth, offer up your loneliness to God so He can transform it for the good of others. And finally, do something for someone else for there is always something you can do and there is always someone who needs you. 

Whether your season of loneliness is ending or just beginning, may of all us do our best to remember that loneliness can stay a feeling and not become a reality. For in moments when we feel isolated, it does imply we have to stay secluded. In instances when we sense we have been deserted, it does not signify that we have been abandoned. In times when we feel alone, it does not mean we have to be lonely. 

CJE

The Better Country

"...13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one..."- Hebrews 11:13-16

Good morning. At one time or another, many believers turn to Hebrews 11 and its examples of faith for inspiration. However, this morning I believe the Hebrew writer can also offer seasoned Christians terrified by the upcoming election what they need most...assurance and direction. And when you think about it, what good is inspiration without assurance and direction?    

As mentioned last week, I find the 2016 Election causing a rising wave of fear and anguish among those who have been Christians for 40 years or more. I believe this dread and despair comes from a belief that the country of their youth was somehow more committed to morality, family, and the rule of law than this current generation. The history of America does little to support such a belief. Throughout its history, America has been a confounding mix of promise and contradiction, incredible highs and tragic lows. 

Even when "The Greatest Generation" liberated Europe in WW II, it did so in segregated units and black veterans returned home to find that they had not been liberated from separate drinking fountains and violent discrimination. Like all human governments and nations, America has always been tragically flawed and never really had a garden of Eden where everything and everyone was harmoniously perfect. 

If Hebrews 11 teaches us anything, it's that a believer's pursuit for a better country in this broken world is an exercise in futility. And why? According to the Hebrew writer, this is because what the believer is looking for exists outside this earthly sphere. For the logic of fallen nations operate from a position of self-preservation that is more concerned with keeping things from getting worse for some rather than making things better for all. 

My own experiences have only strengthened my belief that one of the church's primary duties is to clean up the spills and messes that world governments make. So what is the Christian to do? Just do nothing and let the country fall apart? By no means. The believer should engage our broken system to insist that it fulfills its obligations to justice more than demanding it meet the requirements of righteousness.

I don't expect I can persuade America to make itself last so that third-world countries can be first, but I should do what I can to see it delivers a great education to every child within its borders. I don't suppose I can convince America to beat its drones into plowshares, but I should do what I can to see it offers my retired diabetic clients the ability to afford both their insulin and their utility bill. I don't presume I can motive America to wash the feet of its traitors, but I should do what I can to see it protects affordable housing regardless of location.

With Hebrews 11 as a guide, there is a chance that we will not receive all the fruits of our labor, that we might welcome the fruition of all our hopes at a distance. It may very well be for some future generation to possess what we strive for today living by faith. So as we draw closer to November, I encourage believers of all ages to take heart and do not be afraid. And let not the candidates' promises to make this country great satisfy our longing for that country residing in the heavenly realm, which will always be the better country.  

CJE

A Mop And A Bucket

Let me begin by saying that I take no joy in discussing politics. With all the thousands of topics one could discuss, why would anyone chose talk about politics. Personally, I much rather talk about music, the beauty of God's creation, and my hopes for the future just to name a few. However, I want to take the next two posts to address an unnerving facet of the 2016 Presidential Election.

Though I firmly believe that there exists 299,999,998 better candidates, the most disconcerting feature of this election season is not the two polarizing candidates selected to run for President. What concerns me more is the swelling tide of fear and despair expressed by Christians of all ages. Whether it be in online posts I read or conversations I hear at church, there is a palpable sense amongst seasoned Christians I know that the sky is falling, and that we are in mortal danger regardless of the election's outcome. 

Psalm 112:6-8 has a powerful message for Christians consumed with dread and despair. The psalmist implores us not to forget about the unshakeable and enduring power of righteousness embodied in steadfast hearts that trust not in flawed human candidates, but that trust in the Lord. According to the psalmist, believers with such secure hearts will have no fear of bad news and in the end they will look in triumph over any foe. 

And if the psalmists still does not bring assurance and peace, then I suggest we recall the confidence and certainty of the vacation bible school songs we learned long ago. As a child many of the adults who are freaking out now taught me lyrics like, "...he's got the whole world in his hands," or "...my God is big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." Has it gotten so bad that these lyrics now seem naive? 

There is no question the outcome this election will have a significant impact on the country, but does it really have the ability to overthrow the Kingdom of God. Absolutely not. Sure the result of this election will likely worsen the discord, but does it really have the capacity to dethrone the Prince of Peace? Think again. Yeah the aftermath of this election will probably create even bigger messes for the church to clean up, but does it really have the power to usurp control from the creator of the universe? Not even close.

It is important for Christians to engage whatever culture he or she finds themselves, and this includes the painful act of voting. However, Christians need to manage the expectations of their vote. In a process influenced by millions of dollars and special interests, I don't expect my vote will usher in a new year of Jubilee and the canceling of debts. More likely, I imagine my vote "tries" to select a candidate who make fewer spills. For Christians will never clean up our country and the world in quests for power with a ballot, but only through acts of servanthood with a mop and a bucket. 

CJE

Marcus Isn't Coming Home

Over the past six years I've encountered many bends and turns along the path of acceptance as I try my best to live life without Marcus. A life where my heart bends more toward worship than it turns in the direction of despair. A life where my heart turns more toward trusting God's promises than it bends to Satan's lies. 

Since losing Marcus, I've tried to express my heartache in healthy ways. I grieve for him every October, honor him every November at the Hope Film Series, and miss him every December at the Christmas dinner table. If I'm guilty of any unhealthy practices, then it's my small indulgences of make believe. From time to time, I've allowed myself to pretend that Marcus isn't gone, but still busy doing God's work in New York City. 

I tell myself he doesn't visit because he's swamped at work helping struggling parents improve their lives for the sake of their kids. I say to myself he doesn't call me anymore because he's busy at HI-DEF inspiring teenagers to transcend the boundaries of society's expectations. Silly I know, but it has helped. Well tomorrow I say goodbye to the luxuries of make believe.

Tomorrow I leave for New York City to help Adrienne and Georgie load their belongings in the U-Haul and drive them back to their new home on the west side of Cincinnati. My cup runs over with joy and gratitude at the opportunity to make full use of my uncle privileges including attending sporting events, school plays, and camp outs in my backyard.  In last few weeks several people asked me, "Aren't you so excited to have Adrienne and Georgie living back home?" My reply is much like the eye-rolling responses I often get from the girls in the youth group, which is always, "Yeah! Duh?"

However, the incompleteness of their question reveals the glaring void in my life that at times I've wanted to pretend didn't exist. For in their question they don't mention Marcus whatsoever, and that's because of the bitter reality that Marcus is not here.  How grateful I am for a faith where bitter truths represent only a part of my reality, and not all of it. Yet their question also stands full of hope and jubilation that signifies the other part of my reality, and that's because Adrienne and Georgie are coming here. This encapsulates the strange paradox of all grieving believers. We find ourselves caught between feeling the fullness of God's grace and provision, while simultaneously sensing a part of us is always missing. 

As excited as I am for Adrienne and Georgie's arrival, I am terribly sad to part with the comforts of make believe. But that is the cost of seeking to take the path of acceptance wherever it leads.  And right now the certainty of my path bends towards a truth that no amount of pretending, fantasy, or imagination can obscure. The truth I need to fully accept is that Marcus isn't too preoccupied to hang out. The certainty I need to readily admit is that Marcus isn't too busy to call. Worse yet, the reality I need to willingly embrace is that Marcus isn't coming home. 

CJE

The Only Way Forward

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ. – Colossians 2:6-8

Good morning. Here in Colossians 2, Paul gets to the heart of that which ails this violent and broken world, that which afflicts Christians who succumb to frustration and callousness. What is this ailment? What is this affliction? Simply put, it is human tradition.

Because mankind exists in a perpetual state of violence and corruption, human tradition rarely seeks to liberate, while often lacking any measure of density or integrity. Instead, it habitually proves itself eager to enslave and imprison, while always willing to defraud and swindle.

How different life becomes when Christ lives in us. Unlike the empty fragility of human tradition, a life in Christ is a life with roots that run deep enough to withstand the strongest storm and the worst heartache. Unlike the manufacturing of lies and fabrications produced by human tradition, a life in Christ is a life that builds upon truth and certainty.

Throughout history men and women have been killed and imprisoned having suggested what I’m about to propose, or re-propose once more this morning. Is it possible that the cure to the disease of violence and hate exists outside human tradition? Could it be that the remedy to our frustrations and insensitivities lies beyond the boundaries of human knowledge?   

I submit that we need a cure of cosmic proportions, a remedy of divine dimensions. The good news of the Gospel proclaims that though this cosmic cure once resided well beyond our reach, it did not stay there. Born in a manger and killed on a cross, Jesus Christ is the cosmic cure, the righteous remedy.

Since he remains fully God, Christ offers to fully dwell in us. Yet before Christ can fully dwell in us, Paul says we will need to be cut upon first. Now Christ does not cut away at the flesh as old traditions demanded, but instead Christ aims to sever us from routine sins and unfit allegiances.

By separating us from all our usual sins and unworthy loyalties, Christ’s forgiveness offers to us what human tradition never could. For only when we experience the power of forgiveness do we realize what it means to be fully alive. And it is to live a life free of guilt and debt, a life absent of condemnation and shame.

Tragically many today still hold to human tradition and its notions that we can disarm only when we destroy, that we can thrive only when others are deprived. This week I encourage us to break free from such logic, escape such reasoning that seeks to hold us captive. And instead allow Christ to fully dwell in us so that we may come to see the path of forgiveness as the only way forward.

CJE

Be Still

So the first week of my sunday school class in the books, and the building did not cave in on itself. For those unaware, I'm teaching the adult class at church through September which I entitled, " Be Still: The Book of Exodus and the Origins of Non-Violence." A class I've wanted to teach for years, but now with a greater sense of urgency given we live a world stuck in perpetual violence and chronic selfishness.

I'm not naive enough to think that everyone in the class will fully embrace the lifestyle of non-violence (considering i question my own commitment to non-violence at times). I believe a more worthwhile course for my class is one that challenges our culture's narrow perceptions of violence. Many conversations on violence in America limited themselves to war, terrorism, racism, and gun control. 

 Yet the virus of violence stands capable of infecting not just our physical environment, but can spread to our emotions and our souls. Whether it be the terrible things we say or the forgiveness we withhold, emotional and spiritual violence are just as dangerous and deadly as the physical violence we can't seem to escape. I would guess that most of us have done more harm with our words than we could ever do with our hands.

Nor do we only perpetrate acts of violence against each other when you consider the thousands that inflict violence upon themselves. In 2013 according to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), 41,000 people in U.S. committed suicide. In the darkest reaches of the human experience, 41,000 lost all hope and came to believe that doing violence to themselves was the only answer.

Their agony reveals the two greatest lies promoted by charlatans of violence to seduce the world we live in. First, there is no hope. Second, violence is the only answer. If our confession of Christ as Lord is to hold any meaning, then we must declare at the top our lungs that nothing could further from the truth. For there is hope and his name is Jesus Christ. There is another answer to the virus of violence in all its forms. And whether we search the Old Testament or the New Testament, the answer is the same.

In Exodus 14:13-14, Moses answered the fears of the Israelites saying, " Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Similarly in Mark 4:35-41, Jesus addressed the panic of the disciples by rebuking the wind and said to the waves, " Quiet! Be Still." Whether your fears cause to accept or reject the lifestyle of non-violence, may we all at least take time to be still.

CJE

Without Excuse

Well back to work this week after having two weeks off. Though my body is in Ohio, my heart and thoughts remain amongst the breathtaking vistas of Alaska. Scholars say Paul was in Corinth when wrote his letter to the Roman church. I must respectfully disagree with the scholars.

Consider verse 20 in the opening chapter of Romans when Paul says, "20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Having now visited Alaska, I'm convinced that only from the majestic heights of Flattop Mountain could Paul write such stirring words.      

Of all the places I've traveled never have I felt such a constant, permeating calm. Whether it be the ground beneath my feet, the wind at my back, or the wonderful company I found myself in; all was at peace. Perhaps this is because Alaska is a place absent of the need to rush anywhere, worry about anything, or coerce anyone. There exists a real sense that Alaska will accept whatever the day brings. 

Beyond the mountains and the streams, this pervading sense of peace also inhabited the Habitat 4 Humanity building site. My team worked on the final two unfinished houses in the planned community appropriately named, "Neighbor Drive." The site consists of a dozen or so units with homeowners 17 different nationalities. And what might be a powder keg of hate and violence in other parts of the world, Neighbor Drive keeps the peace by making a concerted effort to see that the dignity of all its neighbors is respected.   

The entire time I was there I kept asking myself, "how do we recreate the beautiful social tapestry of Neighbor Drive?"  Is it really naive to think that people elsewhere who look dissimilar, talk distinctively, and believe differently can share the same space peacefully? I'm convinced the missing piece, the invisible ingredient needed to achieve stands outside the nature of mortal men and women. 

For mortal men and women are easily corrupted, and will often find any excuse to resist efforts made toward equality and cooperation. The spread of Neighbor Drive will occur only by relying on God's eternal power and adopting his divine nature. The only question that remains is, how visible do we want to display such qualities?

The great mountains and roaring streams have no place hide God's eternal power, no cloak to cover his divine nature. Being that we too are God's creation, let us not retreat from showing the full measure of God's eternal power to forgive us and each other. Let us not wavier from demonstrating the vast expanse of God's divine nature to love us and our neighbor. And may do so without excuse. 

CJE              

Marcus Cried

I'll be the first to admit that I was not ecstatic when Marcus and Adrienne first started dating. Whether it was taking the red car until late evening on Valentine's Day delaying their dinner date or referring to Adrienne in my cell phone as "Marcus locator," I chalk up most of my behavior during that period to a ridiculous immaturity I was slowly growing out of. 

I'm sure that there are plenty of other examples of my childish reaction to them dating, which Adrienne likely saved in a PDF file if you want to know them all. But you have to understand in the first year they were in that puppy love stage of constantly giggling, incapable of being apart for more than 10 minutes, and talking on the phone for hours on end.  And I think because Marcus was my brother, I found the awkwardness suffocating anytime it was just me and the two of them.

But thankfully I eventually grew up and Adrienne showed me incredible mercy so that by the time of the wedding I realized just how perfectly they fit together. Ten years ago today I was so excited to stand beside my brother to witness his dream come true, which was to fall in love with a Godly woman and for that woman to love him in return. If you're like me, then you probably keep a list of the best days of your life. Well for me, Marcus and Adrienne's wedding remains in my top 5.

In the five years since losing Marcus, I can't tell how many times I wished I could stay in that moment just a little bit longer. That moment when Marcus and Adrienne's faces were glowing, and my parents' hearts were swelling. But moments are just that...moments. What matters most is that we appreciate every second, cherish every minute, savor every hour of our best days. Because it will be those precious moments that God has afforded you, which will keep you afloat on your worst days.  

Every now and then I wonder how I might react if God ever sees fit to have me stand at the altar as he had done for Marcus. How does one respond when a dream once thought impossible suddenly becomes reality? How does one react when the most beautiful woman you've ever seen stands before you dressed all in white? I'm confident my reaction won't be all that different from the way Marcus responded ten years ago today. Overcome with immeasurable joy, Marcus reacted the only way a man could when standing in the presence of such beauty. Marcus cried. 

Happy Anniversary Marcus and Adrienne.

CJE